Things That Make Me Say, "Whu?!"

I try to not rant here. I try not to rail on Facebook. My general rule of posting is pretty  much, "Try to not bitch too much."

I try to keep it positive, funny, and heartwarming.

But some things just stick in my craw. It ain't all puppy kisses and unicorns fartin' glitter up in here, folks!

Here are some brow-furrowing, eye-rolling, grumble-inducers as of late:

- Why is texting and driving so darned dangerous, but police officers are expected to drive and use a computer? I saw two different squad cars today, and both times, the uniformed drivers were doing the drive 'n glance as they steered with one hand and typed with the other. If you're from the Fargo-Moorhead area, you know how crazy this is given current road conditions.

- Can't Mantracker see the camera crews with the "prey". Seriously. What horse poop. The saving grace? Mantracker is hot!

- Low sodium SPAM tastes exactly like its presumably salt-lick-crusted counterpart. (Yes, I know this from first-hand experience.) Why not just make it lower sodium to start with? Those poor Hawaiian folks. They probably have to keep a hose by their bed at night, just to keep all that salt from mummifying them as they sleep.

- Why do parents write me notes to excuse their child's tardiness, citing their own parenting failures? ("Please excuse Janie's tardiness today. For the eighteenth time this month, I forgot to set my alarm!") Number one: this is NOT an excusable reason. Your child's tardiness still goes down as unexcused. Number two: that smiley face you drew not only does nothing to get this infraction excused, but it also makes me wonder if you dot your i's with hearts. Oh, yup. Sure enough ... right there on the "i" in "Janie". Oi vey and an eye roll.

OK, that's enough.

Let me leave you with a school story:

I heard running in the hallway at school early this afternoon.

Engrossed in the task in which I was performing, I didn't glance up until a blur appeared--and then quickly dissappeared--in my periphreal vision. Someone had the audacity to run in the hallway ... right past my desk! To make it worse, the little buggers were giggling.

Ah, fer pete's sake.

I hauled my butt outta my chair and took off through the teacher's lounge, hoping I got their trajectory right.

aHA! I got 'em.

An unspeakably cute kindergarten boy and girl were "racing" with the library book cart their teacher had trusted them with.

"You GUYS!" I stage-whispered after them.

They stopped dead in their tracks.

"Turn around," I instructed in my very best, "you are SO busted" voice.

They did, looking properly terrified.

We have three rules in our school: Be safe. Be responsible. Be respectful.

I took a step toward them, reproachful look on my face.

"Bonnie and Clyde*," I started, "What are the rules in my school?"

Stares. Big, sweet, adorable as baby kittens blue-eyed stares.

And then a lip quiver.

"We wewen't bein' vewy good."

"Well," I said, nodding with concern. "you certainly weren't making very good choices. Is running in the hallway--and with untied shoes, Bonnie!--very safe?"

"No!" Clyde volunteered quickly, "and it's not vewy 'spectful eever. We aw sowwy Lowa!"

Needless to say, when you're that darned cute, you get away with just a warning.

* Not their real names.